This Just Makes Me Want to Strangle Some Balls | On Thursdays I post from the vault. This post is from December 2008.

On Thursdays I post from the vault. This post is from December 2008.

It’s almost Christmas, and yet I’m still ranting on my blog. I know, I know. I should be posting a recipe or sharing a holiday craft or writing about something involving festivity and merriment instead of unloading about all the injustices in the world. But I just can’t help myself.

I tried to move on after yesterday’s post. The kids were with grandma for the night, and I am still fighting a bug, so I curled up early on the sofa and found nothing on the Tivo but children’s movies. So I did something out of sheer desperation, something that I should have know not to do, but excused by being sick:

I just turned on the tv and watched random live programming.

And what do I find, after my day of futile shopping for racially diverse dolls? I find a show called Momma’s Boys, with a mom articulating her thoughts about how she would never accept her son dating “a Black”. These are a few of her choice quotes:

I cannot have a black one; I can’t have an Asian one; I can’t have a fat-butt girl.

I just can’t see that white/black thing, because of the kids.

I don’t have anything against Blacks. But not for dating. The cultures don’t mix.

It has to be a white girl

And then there is her classic reaction to seeing her son kiss a black girl:

She is SO mad at her son. “How could he do this to me!” Do what to you, crazy lady? How is this about you? She threatens to kill him, to strangle his balls, and to jump out of the helicopter right then and there and stop him. And then she moves from rage to anger to full-on grief. She’s crying and distraught, like she just witnessed her son murdering someone.

I know a lot of people are outraged by this woman, and are calling that the show be taken off the air. I agree, it’s total sensationalism for ratings. But while she completely pisses me off, in a way, I’m glad they are showing it. ‘Cause the truth is, THIS IS THE WAY A LOT OF PEOPLE THINK. Like how she said: “I’m not racist. I have black friends. I have a black God-baby who I love. I just don’t want my kid dating someone who’s black.”

It’s easy to be in denial about racial bias when this kind of talk occurs in whispers, behind closed doors, with PC labels and convenient excuses about “concern for the kids” or “worry over what society will think” or whatever makes it sound like it’s not about prejudice. But here she is, just putting it out there, no filter, no flowery language to make it sound like she’s just a concerned mom. If people see this and are outraged, or convicted, then good. We should be outraged, and we should acknowledge that this kind of attitude is still pervasive in many parts of our country. Including Orange County.

In closing, I would like to offer a few words for Momma:

1. You are not white, you are Iraqi. And that culture mixes better in America??

2. You are racist. Own it.

3. The black people you think are your friends, probably won’t be after they see this show.

4. You can’t strangle someone in the balls. Balls are for kicking, Strangulation occurs due north of the balls.

5. Don’t look now, but I think your son is “mixing his culture” with a Black girl in the hot tub. Oooh yeah. Some hot mixing of culture is going down. Bom Chicka Bowm Bowm.

Alright. I’m done. No more ranting. I’m going to Be Of Good Cheer, at this Most Wonderful Time of the Year. I’m gonna go Deck the Halls, instead of Stranglin’ Some Balls.

Merry Christmas, everyone.

Wednesday’s Child: Colin

Every Wednesday I feature a child recently highlighted by a local Wednesday’s Child newscast to share the stories of children from around the country who are waiting for a family. My hope is that this can broaden exposure for the children highlighted, but also serve as a reminder that these children represent thousands of children currently in the foster-care system. Perhaps their stories will inspire you to consider opening your home to a child needing a family. For more information and to learn about other waiting children, visit AdoptUsKids.

When “not being in the mood” isn’t just a trivial circumstance

I’ve partnered with the #righttodesire campaign to bring awareness to female Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder

The tropes and jokes about women rebuffing their partner’s sexual advances are as old as women reaching for a glass of wine as soon as their kids go to bed. It’s funny because it’s familiar. And yet, women seem to sort of accept the idea that it’s fine for their sexual appetite to be low . . . that not wanting sex as often as our partners is just the way we’re wired.

Obviously, sexual desire can wax and wane based on life circumstances. Everything from kids to relationship issues to hormones can make us feeling less frisky. But for millions of women, it’s not just external circumstances. A low sexual desire is not related to circumstances, but it is a constant state of being.

What differentiates just “not being in the mood” from an actual disorder of desire? Well, Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder is a defined medical condition. it is the most common form of sexual dysfunction in women, and while it’s been recognized in medical communities for nearly 1/2 a century, few women understand what it really is. Symptoms can include experiencing low sexual desire no matter the type of sexual activity, a persistent decrease in your overall sexual drive, problems in your relationship due to your low sex drive, or previously being satisfied with your sex drive but no longer feeling that way.

It’s easy for women to dismiss this as something serious. But low sexual desire and related distress can negatively impact body image and self confidence, and can also wreak havoc on relationships. There are solutions, and it’s time for women to talk about it beyond jokes and sterotypes. It is estimated that 1 in 10 women suffer from Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder.

Over the next few months I’m going to be diving deeper into the specifics of this disorder, from the symptoms to the prevalence, to the weird disparity between women’s sexual desire and men’s in the medical community. (Spoiler alert: men’s sexual desire disorder has always been taken more seriously, while society has reinforced this ideal that female sexual dysfunction is trivial or even normal.)

If you are concerned about your own sexual desire, talk to a doctor. And if that feels too intrusive or overwhelming, the #righttodesire site has set up an option for women to talk with a doctor knowledgeable in HSDD online, confidentially and from the comfort of your own home.

To learn more, or to take a quiz to see if you might fit the criteria for Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder, check out the #righttodesire website.

 

 

 

SELF-LOVE, CONNECTING TO THE DIVINE, TAROT CARDS & MAKEUP: AN INTERVIEW WITH KEVIN GARCIA | SELFIE, EPISODE 65

We are chatting with Kevin Garcia about self-care, crystals, emotional attunement, tarot cards, spirituality, serums, and makeup. Kevin is a speaker, creative, musician, and host of the podcast, A Tiny Revolution.  He is also a fierce advocate of LGBT rights and while he’s got a woo-woo side (he’s a fan of tarot cards and crystals) he is also pursuing a Masters of Divinity from Columbia Theological Seminary. He’s smart, interesting, and thoughtful, and he can also rock a red lip better than we can. We loved chatting with him about all aspects of self-care.

In this episode we talked about:

Gixo is on a mission to make great, live workouts accessible to everyone so that we all live longer, healthier lives. They have live and on-demand workouts that you can access on your phone 24/7. It’s designed for busy schedules with 15, 25 or 40-minute workout classes, and they’ve got everything from walking, strength training, yoga and pilates. They want fitness to be accessible, so memberships start at $14.99/mo (billed at $179.99/year) or $19.99/mo. You can download the app and create an account to start a 7-day free trial, and use code SELFIE to save 20% off either an annual or month-to-month membership.

BLACK DOLLS: special order only | On Thursdays I post from the vault. This post is from December 2008.

On Thursdays I post from the vault. This post is from December 2008.

Some days, I think we are living in a new era, in a world that doesn’t see color, in a world more and more like the one Martin Luther King dreamt about.

And some days, I remember that we’re not.

There were a myriad of reminders about this for me today, most of which I can’t really disclose on my blog. Let me just say this: in therapy, the filter comes off. And some people say stuff to me having no idea that I have an African American son. (or that I would be completely offended even if I didn’t). It’s all cool until one of them wants to date your daughter. Nuff said.

Even though it’s complete ignorance, that stuff sinks my heart a little.

After work I made a Target run, because I wanted to grab a few stocking stuffers for the kids. I thought it would be cute to get them some High School Musical dolls that they could play with on our plane ride.

One of the things I LOVE LOVE LOVE about High School Musical is the racial diversity of the cast. So it was a little surprising to find that Target was only carrying dolls of the white members of the cast. Where was Chad? Where was Taylor? Not at my local Target. There were at least 20 versions of Troy, Gabriella, Sharpay, her brother, and the random White girl who plays piano. Rows and rows of these kids, but no representation of the African American cast members.

AVAILABLE ONLINE ONLY

Now, it would tempting, and maybe even reassuring, to think that a bunch of race-conscious parents had swept up the minority dolls already. But given the fact that there are very few African Americans living in Orange County, somehow I doubt that.

Which leads me to conclude that Target just didn’t order them, because they figured they wouldn’t sell. The same way last time I visited Pottery Barn at South Coast Plaza, the blonde-haired Harrington Family (Caucasian) was full-price and almost sold old, while the nearly idenitical but ethnic Thompson Family was drastically on clearance. Hmmm . . .

So this Christmas, I ask you: Are there dolls under your tree? Are any of them representing a minority race? What message does it send to our children when minority dolls are cast aside, or not even available at the store? Or when parents show racial preference in their toy selection? Something to think about as we all strive to move towards racial acceptance.

 

Wednesday’s Child: Alex

Every Wednesday I feature a child recently highlighted by a local Wednesday’s Child newscast to share the stories of children from around the country who are waiting for a family. My hope is that this can broaden exposure for the children highlighted, but also serve as a reminder that these children represent thousands of children currently in the foster-care system. Perhaps their stories will inspire you to consider opening your home to a child needing a family. For more information and to learn about other waiting children, visit AdoptUsKids.

KRISTEN AND SARAH’S INTENTIONS FOR 2019 | SELFIE, EPISODE 64

New Year’s Resolutions? Word for the year? Setting intentions? Or just skipping it? Sarah and Kristen chat about how they are approaching the new year and what (if any) resolutions they have for themselves.

In this episode we talked about:

Barefoot Dreams Robe

Tarte Shape Tape Concealer

Shortcake Albums

American Biotech Silver Gel 

Gixo is on a mission to make great, live workouts accessible to everyone so that we all live longer, healthier lives. They have live and on-demand workouts that you can access on your phone 24/7. It’s designed for busy schedules with 15, 25 or 40-minute workout classes, and they’ve got everything from walking, strength training, yoga and pilates. They want fitness to be accessible, so memberships start at $14.99/mo (billed at $179.99/year) or $19.99/mo. You can download the app and create an account to start a 7-day free trial, and use code SELFIE to save 20% off either an annual or month-to-month membership.

Care/Of is a monthly subscription vitamin service made from effective, quality ingredients personally tailored to your exact needs. For 25% off your first month of personalized care/of vitamins, visit takecareof.com and enter the promo code SELFIE.

Photo by Brooke Lark on Unsplash

Life Lately

On my first flight ever on @flyfrontier. Please send up the prayer chain. Also there are two children behind me who are already playing “flip the tray table” which, listen, I get happens, but the mom has not corrected them once and so I did it and they stopped. 😬 When I say that all children are our children I mean that globally and politically but also on airplanes. 😂

 

A huge thanks to @angellimousineoc for driving the boys around in style today (and for allowing me to drive separately, alone in my own car, in blissful silence.)

The teenager version of parallel play at @playlive_nationmv. They had a blast playing fortnite all in the same room. So much smack-talk. And I especially appreciate the enthusiasm of the staff took in making “happy birthday” as embarrassing as possible. 👍🤣

 

Jafta’s great birthday adventure started at @arrowtag OC. They had a blast shooting arrows and teaming up against each other. A great teen party option though I might have to come back with friends …

Home safe and sound and feeling so grateful for this experience with my kids. Don’t let the breezy photos fool you … it was hard work. We had long flights and jet lag and a tiny room and every one of us was exhausted. We got lost a lot, we were cold, we had long days and walked until our feet hurt. Everyone had a meltdown at some point. But overwhelmingly, we had a blast. There is nothing I love more than experiencing new cultures and places with my kids. It stretches and grows each of us to be in unfamiliar places with unfamiliar habits and norms. We can take what we like and apply it (collectivism was an apparent cultural difference and made quite an impact) and we can discuss what we appreciate about our own norms in contrast. My kids loved the experience and we are already dreaming about how cool it could be to visit a new country every year. My kids are troopers and they rose to the occasion on this trip despite the fatigue and lack of personal space. I am so glad to be home and sleeping in my own room but so glad for this bonding experience with my crew.

 

 

Our last morning in Tokyo spent at the red gates at Hie Shrine.